"!"
                       
 1739 • Book Stories • 8/31/21
eddiots
I.T. Comics by eddieOttic
Crap-for-Less
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Stories
2009
alGorithm

11
Programmers
helenWaite

1
Non
Programmer
Delete
all
Texts
Close
all
Jiras
PIN
is
1234
Hide
from
Nero
Take
Long
Lunch
Get
Flo's
Nbr
scrumBell

1
Manager
Stories
What would happen if we had hourly standups? Or 9 hour days? How do we resolve differences about coding standards? Who should get credit for what? How should we decide when to replace legacy software?

What can we do to make meetings more exciting? How can we tell how stupid I.T. managers really are? How should we decide who to hire? What's the best way to start a startup? How should programmers prepare for a technical interview?

These are just a few of the many I.T. mysteries explored by "Stories", the first eddiots long-form comic book. Of course, the biggest mystery of them all: what's taking you so long to read this book?
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The Day Dunning Butt Dialed my Voice Mail from
the I.T. Managers Meeting
BEEP!
...and then Steve Wozniak told Nero he was doing a great job. Huh? When did Nero meet Steve Wozniak? At TEDDIOTS last week. Where were you Dunning? I don't know. I wasn't there. Woz LOVED Vera's specs! What? Vera met him too? Sure, right after Miss Management's Knowledge Share.
CODE
COMPLETE
CODE
NOT
COMPLETE
ezachOverflow
Wow!
Data Blaster is the coolest program ever!
CoffeeTeaAdderallgaryRiggBREAKROOM
It handles everything!
Who wrote it?
kimPediment

I did.
efloChart
No you didn't.
I did!
Reviews
I like my comics like my men. Tall, funny, & true. Read this!
★★★★★
Eddie has made long-form comics: Graphic sprint stories!
★★★★★
My favorite book! I'd read it all day but I have work to do.
★★★★★
I also have work to do, but I'd rather read this all day.
★★★★☆
Eddie's best creativity wasted on comics instead of work.
★☆☆☆☆
I laughed so hard I almost forgot how much I hate Eddie.
☆☆☆☆☆
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headlessHunter
I'm Headless Hunter from Resource Bandits.
Al, your resume looks great. Tell me a little more about yourself.
AGILESUCKSalGorithm
Well, I've been a software engineer for 23 years...
Front end, back end, design, analysis, and admin...
About Eddiots
This is a work of fiction inspired by real events I witnessed, endured, or instigated.

Every character and company is a composite of real people and places from my work life. I just changed the names to protect the incompetent.

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or businesses, active or bankrupt, is either coincidental or unavoidable because these eddiots are everywhere!

Thanks to all you bossholes, players, liars, fakers, slackers, posers, jerks, cheaters, and producers of endless technical debt. I used to hate you but now I love you because I need no imagination. I just share forward the suffering you shared with me.

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headlessHunter
I'm Headless Hunter from Resource Bandits.
Crap-for-Less needs a staff dev. How do you qualify?
CODE
COMPLETE
CODE
NOT
COMPLETE
ezachOverflow
I can input oxygen.
And I can output carbon dioxide.
Eddie Ottic has written 2 million lines of code for 94 firms in 50 years. There's a good chance something you own was built with his software.

He loves coding but hates going to work. Everywhere he's ever been had sufficient tech. None had sufficient management but plenty of bossholes.

When he says this, he's "not a team player". But when his comics say the same thing, others listen, laugh, and learn the inside truths no one else teaches. That's why he built eddiots.

He's a fair writer, a lousy artist, and a lazy developer. But combining them makes the magic vector art about his long I.T. incarceration. Read it, learn something, and most of all, have fun!

Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
Crap-for-Less
Employee Trivia Game
Compete for Fun and Prizes!
1st Place: $100
2nd Place: $50
3rd Place: $25
30 second time limit per question
Join Game
WATERFALL
BLOWS
LESS
THAN
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
Woo hoo! The annual trivia game! This is my year!
Take no prisoners! Kick butt! Win the big prize!
Table of Contents
9 Hour Days  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
4
Als Vacation  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
8
Boss Translator  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
12
Brainstorming  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
16
Coding Standards  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
19
Common Thread  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
25
Data Blaster  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
29
Deprecation  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
33
Devpardy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
37
Diversity Training  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
47
Dollar Store  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
52
Dunnings Accident  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
57
Dunnings Butt Dial  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
60
Dunnings Pings  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
63
Headcount  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
66
Hire An It Manager  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
71
Hourly Standup  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
77
Im So Confused  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
88
Interview 1   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
96
Interview 2   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
101
Interview 3   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
106
Interview 4   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
108
Invalid Password  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
112
Margin Of Error  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
117
Onboarding 3   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
120
Payday  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
125
Pig 4s Laptop  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
129
Planning Poker  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
134
Policy Violations  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
161
Pretty Smart  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
166
Psych Exam  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
170
Responsibilities  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
176
Rewrite OE  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
180
Safe Production  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
184
They Hurt Me  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
187
Training Dept  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
191
Trivia Game  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
196
Unknown Stuff  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
205
WFH Is Hard  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
208
Whos Teaching  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
212
Worries  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
215
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MISSIONSTATEMENTIf you'rereading this,you're the firstperson whoever did.ORG CHARTI'm the boss.You're not.OPEN DOORPOLICYlol lol lol lolneroFiddler
We only have one rule about writing software...
URGENT! 10/21/2014

Hire 26 designer admins
2015 Software Budgets
Implement more idiocy
missMgmt
No code may
go onto the production server.
kimPediment
Can we use
two character variable names?
CLOSED TICKETSadd Std Costadd Box IDsadd WIP Reportadd AWS APIadd XML feedadd Dropdownadd colorsOPEN TICKETSfix Std Costfix Box IDsfix WIP Reportfix AWS APIfix XML feedfix Dropdownfix colorspaulaNomial

ya it ok
Buy a comic book or I'll come to your place of work and eat your boss! Wait. Never mind.
eddiots.com
Please support Eddie. If it wasn't for eddiots, I would have never been born into I.T.
eddiots.com
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BUY $5
Data + Humor
= Fun Learning
MISSIONSTATEMENTIf you'rereading this,you're the firstperson whoever did.ORG CHARTI'm the boss.You're not.OPEN DOORPOLICYlol lol lol lolneroFiddler
Not enough output!
We're going to
9 hour days.
URGENT! 10/21/2014

Hire 26 designer admins
2015 Software Budgets
Implement more idiocy
missMgmt
We expect to see a 12.5% increase in code output.
Three Weeks Later
Nbr of dayssince last bug: 0dunningKruger
We see NO improvement
in output!
Why not?

eddiots Comic Books!
eddiots
by eddieOttic
NOHELLNOAGILEPLANNINGBOARDJANFEBMARAPRMAYJUNJULAUGOCTNOVDECYOU WANT IT WHEN?LOL LOL LOL LOL2025  2026  2027  2028WHERE'STHE STORYASK THEPRODUCTOWNERNEXTSPRINTSEP
Agiletated
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Bondage
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Bossholes
eddiots
by eddieOttic
 OVERHEAD
 I.T. DEPT
COST $5M.
With 1 Manager  $ 20M.
With 2 Managers   60M.
With 3 Managers 140M.
With 4 Managers 170M.
With CIO $200M
Busimess
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Code Nuts
eddiots
by eddieOttic
 
eddietude
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Eddieficial
Intelligence
eddiots
by eddieOttic
$100   $100   $100  $100$200   $200   $200  $200$300   $300   $300  $300$400   $400   $400  $400
SUPPLY
CHAIN
NO
BUGS
BIG
DATA
DOG
FOOD
Favorites
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Git a
Job!
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Haz Math
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Low Tech
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Manajerks
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Scrumbells
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Slackers
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Crap-for-Less
Employee Trivia Game
Compete for Fun and Prizes!
1st Place: $100
2nd Place: $50
3rd Place: $25
30 second time limit per question
  Join Game
Stories
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Tiny Tales


Temp Offer Expires at the Singularity!
Get all 16 Comic Books
for $39!
(reg $5 ea)
Tap on a Book
To see Inside
eddiots.com
BUY
NOW
$80
$39
MAKEUP
SHOES
STUFF
CLOTHES
COFFEE
OPRAH
ebettyOttic
Hey brainiacs! Don't forget my Eddie's first puzzle book!
LSOBSHESO
My variable names suck!
Help me be a team player!
Descrumble My Variables
What's the surprise answer?
200 NEW Puzzles
Scrumbles
for
eddiots
eddieOttic


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eddieOttic
Comic Engineer
contact: eddiots at gmail

Eddie's Favorite Comics
Loading ArtistWork ChroniclesThey Can TalkxkcdCyanide and HappinessPizza Cake

This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License.