"!"
                       
 449 • Book Busimess • 9/20/16
eddiots
I.T. Comics by eddieOttic
 OVERHEAD
 I.T. DEPT
COST $5M.
With 1 Manager  $ 20M.
With 2 Managers   60M.
With 3 Managers 140M.
With 4 Managers 170M.
With CIO $200M
Busimess
helenWaite
Xavier, buy a laptop online. If they have pens, buy a dozen.
When Xavier's Prime Order is Delivered
helenWaite
Why did you buy 12 laptops?
xavier127.0.0.1
Because they had pens.
Busimess
What is business?

To an accountant, it's receiveables, payables, general ledger, and financial reports. To a shareholder, it's stock price and dividends. To a programmer, it's data, logic, and technology. To an analyst, it's mission, strategies, tactics, and requirements. And to a manager, it's quarterly objectives, metrics, and bonuses.

Notice anything missing?

Exactly when did "business" become "busimess"? When we all stopped using the word "customer".

It's not funny. Well maybe a little. Read on.
Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
Pig4
Responses to 42 Q&As are in Sharepointless. That's $21,000.
kimPediment
These aren't
our questions! They're your boilerplates!
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeeEddieOttic
You put our name on your form! How can you do this?!?
Pig4
Because we're consultants. That'll be $21,500.
alGorithm
Don't lay me
off. I have 5 days to finish the last module.
helenWaite
Don't lay me
off. I have 4 children to put through school.
yogeshV
Don't lay me
off. I have 3 more car payments.
efloChart
Don't lay me off. I have 2 emails. Your wife and your girlfriend.
Reviews
I took a job to reduce risk but what's riskier than a bosshole?
★★★★★
The fastest way to go broke? Let your kid run your business.
★★★★★
This book brings new meaning to "market condition failure".
★★★★★
This book shows how nice it would be if we could just code.
★★★★☆
What's the big deal? Eddie
can always get another job.
★☆☆☆☆
I did nothing wrong! You can ask my parole officer!
☆☆☆☆☆
Back to Top
kimPediment
The Help Desk is closed.
veraVague
But it says that you're open 24/7.
CoffeeTeaAdderallgaryRiggBREAKROOM
You must not understand European dates.
efloChart
We're only open on July 24.
About Eddiots
This is a work of fiction inspired by real events I witnessed, endured, or instigated.

Every character and company is a composite of real people and places from my work life. I just changed the names to protect the incompetent.

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or businesses, active or bankrupt, is either coincidental or unavoidable because these eddiots are everywhere!

Thanks to all you bossholes, players, liars, fakers, slackers, posers, jerks, cheaters, and producers of endless technical debt. I used to hate you but now I love you because I need no imagination. I just share forward the suffering you shared with me.

Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
Nbr of dayssince last bug: 0dunningKruger
How much
does the Help Desk cost?
kimPediment
$10,000 for
3 questions.
Nbr of dayssince last bug: 0dunningKruger
Wow! Whose dumb idea
was that?
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
Mine. Now what's your third question?
Eddie Ottic has written 2 million lines of code for 94 firms in 50 years. There's a good chance something you own was built with his software.

He loves coding but hates going to work. Everywhere he's ever been had sufficient tech. None had sufficient management but plenty of bossholes.

When he says this, he's "not a team player". But when his comics say the same thing, others listen, laugh, and learn the inside truths no one else teaches. That's why he built eddiots.

He's a fair writer, a lousy artist, and a lazy developer. But combining them makes the magic vector art about his long I.T. incarceration. Read it, learn something, and most of all, have fun!

Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
conVicted
Congrats and thank you! We hit this month's targets!
CLOSED TICKETSadd Std Costadd Box IDsadd WIP Reportadd AWS APIadd XML feedadd Dropdownadd colorsOPEN TICKETSfix Std Costfix Box IDsfix WIP Reportfix AWS APIfix XML feedfix Dropdownfix colorspaulaNomial
You can't fool I.T. We see the data behind
your tricks.
CoffeeTeaAdderallgaryRiggBREAKROOM
We had to ship $1 million a month early.
efloChart
So this month, we're already a million behind.
Table of Contents
100 Accountants  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
7
10 Percent Charity  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
8
26 Designers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
9
27th Best  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
10
2 Extra Items  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
11
3 Bears In HR  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
12
40 Miles Away  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
13
4 Characters  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
14
4 More Months  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
15
4 Piggies  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
16
5 Costs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
17
6 Step Shipping  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
18
6 Year Contracts  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
19
9 Months Twice  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
20
9 Old White Guys  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
21
AR  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
22
Acquired  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
23
Acronym Hell  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
24
Alignable  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
25
Annual Bonus  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
26
Any Questions  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
27
Audit Trail  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
28
Auditor Software  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
29
Automate It  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
30
Background Check  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
31
Bad Reviews  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
32
Bad Sandwich  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
33
Bank Failed  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
34
Best Co Thing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
35
Big Changes  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
36
Blame IT  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
37
Bot Book  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
38
Bot In  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
39
Bot Up School  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
40
Business Advice  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
41
Buy A Laptop  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
42
CEO Work Retreat  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
43
Calendarware  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
44
Can We Compete  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
45
Cant Win  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
46
Certs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
47
Chain Problems  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
48
Chargeback  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
49
Clean Copy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
50
Cofounders  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
51
Con Thanks Us  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
52
Congrats  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
53
Congress Bank  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
54
Consulting Price  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
55
Consultopoly  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
56
Back to Top
Table of Contents
Crap Co Ad  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
57
Crappity Hiring  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
58
Crappy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
59
DSO  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
60
Delivery Photo  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
61
Did Nothing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
62
Disagree  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
63
Doesnt Exist  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
64
Dont Be Lazy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
65
Dont Lay Off  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
66
Drive By Lane  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
67
Drive Thru  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
68
Drive Thru Lane  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
69
Drive Thru Open  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
70
Drudge  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
71
Drug Screen  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
72
Easy Sales Call  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
73
Ecommerce  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
74
Electric Bill  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
75
Elon Musk  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
76
Emotion Logic  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
77
Employee Theft  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
78
English  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
79
Expediting Q  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
80
Expenses  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
81
Eye Witness  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
82
Falsification  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
83
Fancy Reporter  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
84
Fastest One  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
85
Find Diffs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
86
First To Get Cash  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
87
Free Services  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
88
Furlough  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
89
Gift Card  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
90
Going Concern  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
91
Going On  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
92
Guarantees  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
93
Have Them Talk  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
94
Help Desk Closed  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
95
Help Desk Cost  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
96
Help Each Other  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
97
Here Or There  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
98
High Rise Water  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
99
Hit Our Targets  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
100
Hoarding Customers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
101
Hoarding Employees  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
102
How Bank Failed  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
103
How To Layoff  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
104
Hurt Shareholders  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
105
IT Companies  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
106
Back to Top
Table of Contents
IT Diner 1   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
107
Inflation  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
108
Journalist  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
109
Keeps You Awake  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
110
Know Con  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
111
Know Nothing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
112
Law And Order  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
113
Lock Of The Week  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
114
Lost Opportunity  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
115
Low Supply  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
116
MBA Needed  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
117
MBI  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
118
MYOB  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
119
Made Dev  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
120
Manager Scrum  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
121
Many Changes  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
122
Margins  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
123
Mc Kinsey  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
124
Meta Making  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
125
Metric Matters  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
126
Metrics  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
127
Minyan  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
128
Missing Word  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
129
Mitco  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
130
Monetize  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
131
Monopoly  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
132
More Revenue  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
133
My Own Business  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
134
NDA  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
135
Nero Hired Pig 4  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
136
Neros Porsche  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
137
New Business  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
138
New Erp System  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
139
New HQ  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
140
New Options  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
141
No Cash  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
142
No Smoking  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
143
No Word Customer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
144
Not Analysis  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
145
Not Paying  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
147
Not Paying Bills  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
148
Not Secret  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
149
Of Course IT  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
150
Other Angels  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
151
Out Of Towners  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
152
Paywall  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
153
Peace Love  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
154
Pig 4 Alike  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
155
Pig 4 How To  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
156
Piglet  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
157
Back to Top
Table of Contents
Plant Closing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
158
Players  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
159
Premium Content  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
160
Product Data  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
161
RE Listing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
162
Recent Studies  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
163
Replace Employer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
164
Rock Candy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
165
Sales Doubled  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
166
Same Treatment  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
167
Security Audit  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
168
Security Guy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
169
Sell Warehouse 4  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
170
Software Bill  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
171
Spam For Lunch  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
172
Strip Center  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
173
Theres No Job  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
174
Too Busy Metrics  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
175
Too Much Not Enough  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
176
Top IT Mgrs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
177
Top Problem  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
178
Transformation  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
179
UPS Delivery  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
180
Unforeseen  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
181
Union  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
182
Walmart  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
183
Warehouse Fire  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
184
Warehouse Space  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
185
We Sell Value  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
186
What Did I Do Wrong  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
187
What To Focus On  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
188
Whats The Diff  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
189
Why Consultants  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
190
Why No Fly  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
191
Work Onsite  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
192
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Welcome back to Crap-for-Less

Your package was delivered.
(See photo)

How was it?
__ good
__ bad
CoffeeTeaAdderallgaryRiggBREAKROOM
We're sending the wrong jpg in the Shipment Confirmation!
conVicted
No we're not. That's for customers who don't pay their bills on time.
Buy a comic book and enable Eddie to keep making them. We need them for our sanity!
eddiots.com
It's like buying him a cup of coffee except you actually get something to keep for yourself!
eddiots.com
Back to Top
BUY $5
This is real
documentation!
queenOfHR
It'll take a month to hire 50 workers for the acquisition.
veraVague
And a month to train them on our system.
Fart
into
Mic
Delete
all
Texts
Take
Long
Lunch
Set up
Happy
Hour
Close
all
Jiras
Hide
from
Nero
scrumBell
And a month for them to label all
those parts.
efloChart
And a month for us to fix their mistakes.

eddiots Comic Books!
eddiots
by eddieOttic
NOHELLNOAGILEPLANNINGBOARDJANFEBMARAPRMAYJUNJULAUGOCTNOVDECYOU WANT IT WHEN?LOL LOL LOL LOL2025  2026  2027  2028WHERE'STHE STORYASK THEPRODUCTOWNERNEXTSPRINTSEP
Agiletated
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Bondage
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Bossholes
eddiots
by eddieOttic
 OVERHEAD
 I.T. DEPT
COST $5M.
With 1 Manager  $ 20M.
With 2 Managers   60M.
With 3 Managers 140M.
With 4 Managers 170M.
With CIO $200M
Busimess
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Code Nuts
eddiots
by eddieOttic
 
eddietude
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Eddieficial
Intelligence
eddiots
by eddieOttic
$100   $100   $100  $100$200   $200   $200  $200$300   $300   $300  $300$400   $400   $400  $400
SUPPLY
CHAIN
NO
BUGS
BIG
DATA
DOG
FOOD
Favorites
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Git a
Job!
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Haz Math
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Low Tech
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Manajerks
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Scrumbells
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Slackers
eddiots
by eddieOttic
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eddieOttic
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contact: eddiots at gmail

Eddie's Favorite Comics
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