"!"
                       
 563 • Book Code Nuts • 2/27/17
eddiots
I.T. Comics by eddieOttic
Code Nuts
CODE
COMPLETE
CODE
NOT
COMPLETE
ezachOverflow
What's the best way to learn someone else's program?
alGorithm

Study it.
CLOSED TICKETSadd Std Costadd Box IDsadd WIP Reportadd AWS APIadd XML feedadd Dropdownadd colorsOPEN TICKETSfix Std Costfix Box IDsfix WIP Reportfix AWS APIfix XML feedfix Dropdownfix colorspaulaNomial

Test it.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic

Rewrite it.
Code Nuts
"Code Nuts" doesn't teach you how to code. There are lots of way better places for that. "Code Nuts" explores how you feel about doing something you love among people you hate.

Isn't it cool to talk about building stuff? Algorithms, data structures, platforms, languages, and "magic"? Sure we makers struggle and make mistakes. That's part of the charm.

People mistakes, on the other hand, are never fun or useful. Until you need fresh material for comic jokes.

It's hard to find something that makes us laugh. And think. And cry. Eddiots does all three. We laugh at the punchline. We think about the content. And we cry when we realize that Eddie will just keep on doing it.
Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
CODE
COMPLETE
CODE
NOT
COMPLETE
ezachOverflow
Does any programmer here use containers?
CLOSED TICKETSadd Std Costadd Box IDsadd WIP Reportadd AWS APIadd XML feedadd Dropdownadd colorsOPEN TICKETSfix Std Costfix Box IDsfix WIP Reportfix AWS APIfix XML feedfix Dropdownfix colorspaulaNomial
I use containers to organize my data and XML.
htmlcssuxsvgfontwtfindigoPixel
I use containers to organize my HTML and CSS.
efloChart
I use containers to catch my vomit when I maintain Eddie's code.
CoffeeTeaAdderallgaryRiggBREAKROOM
Last night was dope! I'm totally worn out!
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
Yea! Way too much craziness and debauchery for me!
CLOSED TICKETSadd Std Costadd Box IDsadd WIP Reportadd AWS APIadd XML feedadd Dropdownadd colorsOPEN TICKETSfix Std Costfix Box IDsfix WIP Reportfix AWS APIfix XML feedfix Dropdownfix colorspaulaNomial
What did you guys do? Go wild at the Krazy Klub?
yogeshV
No. We coded right on the Production server.
Reviews
Boot camp can't prepare you for I.T. life like this book does.
★★★★★
Why didn't my teachers prep me for this like Eddie does?
★★★★★
I hack but how do I learn hacks for hacks? In this book!
★★★★★
What did I do yesterday? I read this book. No blockers.
★★★★☆
Eddie makes it sound like the programmers matter most.
★☆☆☆☆
Don't read Eddie's dumb comic books! Now get back to work!
☆☆☆☆☆
Back to Top
CoffeeTeaAdderallgaryRiggBREAKROOM
This program doesn't work and never will.
codeMaster
I don't care.
It lines up right. PASS.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
This program will earn $50 million and save the company.
codeMaster
I don't care. Indenting is wrong. FAIL.
About Eddiots
This is a work of fiction inspired by real events I witnessed, endured, or instigated.

Every character and company is a composite of real people and places from my work life. I just changed the names to protect the incompetent.

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or businesses, active or bankrupt, is either coincidental or unavoidable because these eddiots are everywhere!

Thanks to all you bossholes, players, liars, fakers, slackers, posers, jerks, cheaters, and producers of endless technical debt. I used to hate you but now I love you because I need no imagination. I just share forward the suffering you shared with me.

Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
helenWaite
There are 12 of us. We'll have to get one check for lunch.
Crap-for-Less I.T.924 Late Ticketsmeet tomorrowwandaWant
How will we divide it up?
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
I'll just write a quick and dirty Check Dividing program.
efloChart
That won't work. They close at midnight.
Eddie Ottic has written 2 million lines of code for 94 firms in 50 years. There's a good chance something you own was built with his software.

He loves coding but hates going to work. Everywhere he's ever been had sufficient tech. None had sufficient management but plenty of bossholes.

When he says this, he's "not a team player". But when his comics say the same thing, others listen, laugh, and learn the inside truths no one else teaches. That's why he built eddiots.

He's a fair writer, a lousy artist, and a lazy developer. But combining them makes the magic vector art about his long I.T. incarceration. Read it, learn something, and most of all, have fun!

Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
Nbr of dayssince last bug: 0dunningKruger
Our customer's 58 EDI orders are not on our ERP system.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
OK, I'll fix it and get back
to you in
17 minutes.
kimPediment
Why 17 minutes?
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
It's 11:43. The next automatic CRON job will fix this at noon.
Table of Contents
10000  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
7
1 Line Fizz Buzz  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
8
3 Bears  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
9
3 Dates  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
10
67 If Statements  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
11
8 Hour Job  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
12
A Lot Of Time  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
13
Add Testing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
14
Always Busy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
15
Ask Tomorrow  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
16
Bad Labels  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
17
Ballpark  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
18
Benchmark Code  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
19
Best Code Seen  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
20
Best Learn  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
21
Best Learn Pgm  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
22
Best Reviewer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
23
Bet 5 Bucks  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
24
Big Mouth  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
25
Blank Emails  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
26
Boomer Doomer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
27
Born Made  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
28
Breaks  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
29
Browser Broke  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
30
Bug Crawler  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
31
Bug Strategy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
32
CRON Down  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
33
Calendar Broke  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
34
Carousel  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
35
Change Name  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
36
Check Dev Skill  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
37
Clone  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
38
Code Catalog  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
39
Code Katas  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
40
Code Rejects  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
41
Code Shamers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
42
Coding Fools  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
43
Comic How To  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
44
Compiling  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
45
Containers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
46
Crappy Tools  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
47
Crossword Help  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
48
Cuss Word  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
49
Data Review  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
50
Date Logic  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
51
Deadly Embrace  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
52
Debauchery  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
53
Debugging  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
54
Delimitter  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
55
Diaper  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
56
Back to Top
Table of Contents
Diff Standards  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
57
Disk Or Memory  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
58
Divide Check  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
59
Doc In A Tweet  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
60
Document Pgm  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
61
Dogfood  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
62
Dont Touch  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
63
EDI Orders  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
64
Eddie Algo  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
65
Eddies Bugs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
66
Efficiency Hack  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
67
Email No Bugs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
68
Endless Loop  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
69
Every Tough Task  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
70
Exlaxa  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
71
Extend Extend  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
72
Fail To Grasp  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
73
Fathers Name  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
74
Fav Book  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
75
Favorite Thing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
76
Figure Things Out  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
78
Fired For Cause  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
79
Fish Output  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
80
Fix That Bug  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
81
Flos Code  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
82
Forensics  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
83
Frameworks  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
84
Full Stack  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
85
Gary Vomitted  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
86
Get Out  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
87
Ghosting  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
88
Git Lock  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
89
Global Vars  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
90
Going Nuts  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
91
Good Bad  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
92
Good News Bad News  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
93
Good Or Bad  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
94
Gun Software  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
95
Hard Code It  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
96
Hard Job  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
97
Hardest Code  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
98
Hazmat  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
99
High Notes  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
100
Hot Array  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
101
How Long  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
102
How Many Times  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
103
How Scale  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
104
How To Drive  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
105
Huddling  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
106
I Lost My Code  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
107
Back to Top
Table of Contents
IT Diner 5   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
108
Idea Half Life  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
109
Im A Hero  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
110
Impact  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
111
Important  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
112
Indenting  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
113
Intern Bugs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
114
Into Management  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
115
Inventory Loss  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
116
Isolate  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
117
Japan  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
118
Junior Senior  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
119
Keep Current  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
120
Lazy Loading  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
121
Less Incompetent  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
122
Lines Of COBOL  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
123
Lock Table  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
124
Luhn Algorithm  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
125
Make Sense  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
126
Mentor Warned  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
127
Midnight  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
128
Missing Semicolon  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
129
Missing Tag  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
130
My Program  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
131
N And S  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
132
Newtons Laws  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
133
No Bad Code  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
134
No Data  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
135
No Reports  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
136
No Shots Fired  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
137
No Testing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
138
Normal Form  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
139
Number One Rule  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
140
Obedience  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
141
Old Devs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
142
One Line At A Time  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
143
Onion Joke  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
144
Ordering  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
145
Own Framework  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
146
Pair Coding  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
147
Param Driven  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
148
Peer Review  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
149
Pgm Story  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
150
Plea Bargain  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
151
Poetry  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
152
Powerball Bug  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
153
Profiling  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
154
Prototype  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
155
Quality Quantity  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
156
Quote Berra  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
157
Back to Top
Table of Contents
Quote Hendrix  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
158
Random Text  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
159
Recurring  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
160
Refactored Child  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
161
Regex  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
162
Replace Devs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
163
Report Writer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
164
Responsible  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
165
Revert  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
166
Roadblocks  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
167
SAT Time  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
168
Scale Or Not  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
169
Second Success  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
170
Senior Moment  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
171
Separate Nerds  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
172
Shut Him Up  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
173
Side Effects  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
174
Side Of 1s And 0s  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
175
Sleep 10  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
176
Small Groups  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
177
Solve Problems  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
178
Sort  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
179
Sort Large Set  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
180
Spec Parameters  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
181
Std Routine  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
182
Still Too Slow  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
183
TDD  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
184
Talk Or Do  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
185
Teddiots Again  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
186
Testing Budget  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
187
The Program  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
188
The Standard  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
189
Time Sheet Class  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
190
Top 2 Rules  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
191
Touch My Code  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
192
Trial And Error  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
193
Ugly Source  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
194
Unit Of Measure  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
195
Unknown Devbot  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
196
Violation  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
197
Vowel Variable  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
198
Was Fun  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
199
Who Wrote It  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
200
Whos Bug  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
201
Why Am I  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
202
Why Code Review  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
203
Work Break  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
204
Worst Prior Dev  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
205
Back to Top
MISSIONSTATEMENTIf you'rereading this,you're the firstperson whoever did.ORG CHARTI'm the boss.You're not.OPEN DOORPOLICYlol lol lol lolneroFiddler
There's only one way we can keep Eddie.
URGENT! 10/21/2014

Hire 26 designer admins
2015 Software Budgets
Implement more idiocy
missMgmt
Paula has to fix all his bugs.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
So what did they say?
CLOSED TICKETSadd Std Costadd Box IDsadd WIP Reportadd AWS APIadd XML feedadd Dropdownadd colorsOPEN TICKETSfix Std Costfix Box IDsfix WIP Reportfix AWS APIfix XML feedfix Dropdownfix colorspaulaNomial

You're fired.
But a comic book. Support the artist so he can keep 'em coming (and keep us in jobs).
eddiots.com
We let Eddie put us in his comics because we know you'll buy them. Support us all!
eddiots.com
Back to Top
BUY $5
Save a nerd.
Buy a book.
CODE
COMPLETE
CODE
NOT
COMPLETE
ezachOverflow
Al, How'd you learn to name your variables so well?
alGorithm
My father is
an incredible programmer.
He taught me.
CLOSED TICKETSadd Std Costadd Box IDsadd WIP Reportadd AWS APIadd XML feedadd Dropdownadd colorsOPEN TICKETSfix Std Costfix Box IDsfix WIP Reportfix AWS APIfix XML feedfix Dropdownfix colorspaulaNomial
Really? What's his name?
alGorithm

Data Grid Save.

eddiots Comic Books!
eddiots
by eddieOttic
NOHELLNOAGILEPLANNINGBOARDJANFEBMARAPRMAYJUNJULAUGOCTNOVDECYOU WANT IT WHEN?LOL LOL LOL LOL2025  2026  2027  2028WHERE'STHE STORYASK THEPRODUCTOWNERNEXTSPRINTSEP
Agiletated
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Bondage
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Bossholes
eddiots
by eddieOttic
 OVERHEAD
 I.T. DEPT
COST $5M.
With 1 Manager  $ 20M.
With 2 Managers   60M.
With 3 Managers 140M.
With 4 Managers 170M.
With CIO $200M
Busimess
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Code Nuts
eddiots
by eddieOttic
 
eddietude
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Eddieficial
Intelligence
eddiots
by eddieOttic
$100   $100   $100  $100$200   $200   $200  $200$300   $300   $300  $300$400   $400   $400  $400
SUPPLY
CHAIN
NO
BUGS
BIG
DATA
DOG
FOOD
Favorites
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Git a
Job!
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Haz Math
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Low Tech
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Manajerks
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Scrumbells
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Slackers
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Crap-for-Less
Employee Trivia Game
Compete for Fun and Prizes!
1st Place: $100
2nd Place: $50
3rd Place: $25
30 second time limit per question
  Join Game
Stories
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Tiny Tales


Temp Offer Expires at the Singularity!
Get all 16 Comic Books
for $39!
(reg $5 ea)
Tap on a Book
To see Inside
eddiots.com
BUY
NOW
$80
$39
MAKEUP
SHOES
STUFF
CLOTHES
COFFEE
OPRAH
ebettyOttic
Hey brainiacs! Don't forget my Eddie's first puzzle book!
LSOBSHESO
My variable names suck!
Help me be a team player!
Descrumble My Variables
What's the surprise answer?
200 NEW Puzzles
Scrumbles
for
eddiots
eddieOttic


Back to Top
eddieOttic
Comic Engineer
contact: eddiots at gmail

Eddie's Favorite Comics
Loading ArtistWork ChroniclesThey Can TalkxkcdCyanide and HappinessPizza Cake

This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License.