"!"
                       
 670 • Book Eddietude • 7/26/17
eddiots
I.T. Comics by eddieOttic
 
eddietude
MISSIONSTATEMENTIf you'rereading this,you're the firstperson whoever did.ORG CHARTI'm the boss.You're not.OPEN DOORPOLICYlol lol lol lolneroFiddler
The 2 most important
rules in I.T.
URGENT! 10/21/2014

Hire 26 designer admins
2015 Software Budgets
Implement more idiocy
missMgmt
1. No rule is more important than any
other rule.
Nbr of dayssince last bug: 0dunningKruger
2. No rule can be confusing.
efloChart
There should be 3. Idiots should not make rules.
eddietude
What's most important to grok about making software? That every value produced is the sum of things made by 1 dev, or: software = ⅀ (1 thing done by 1 dev). That's it!

It may be hitting the "E" key. Or clicking "Save". Or thinking through some logic. We may have occasional "brainstorming", but it still always boils down to one dev doing one thing. Not non-programmers. Not I.T. managers. They produce no value.

So why is "teamwork" so important in I.T.? It's not. It's justification for silly investments in non-value producing process and people.

For this, bossholes call me "not a team player". I prefer "eddietude". Read on and get your own eddietude.
Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeeEddieOttic
My new laptop has already been used! By an angry leftie!
xavier127.0.0.1
How can
you tell?
WATERFALL
BLOWS
LESS
THAN
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeeEddieOttic
The touchpad
is worn out on
the left side.
And 7 keys are all beat up:
F, U, C, K, Y, O, and Enter.
alGorithm
I discovered a cure for cancer!
CLOSED TICKETSadd Std Costadd Box IDsadd WIP Reportadd AWS APIadd XML feedadd Dropdownadd colorsOPEN TICKETSfix Std Costfix Box IDsfix WIP Reportfix AWS APIfix XML feedfix Dropdownfix colorspaulaNomial
Then why haven't we heard about it?
alGorithm
Because I forgot my email password.
helenWaite
Smart and gets nothing done. Must be in I.T.
Reviews
Corner a badger and it'll fight back. So does Eddie in this book.
★★★★★
Don't understand the problems in I.T.? Read this book!
★★★★★
College can't solve these problems. Kindergarten can.
★★★★★
I never understood Eddie's anger until I read this book.
★★★★☆
No matter what we do, Eddie still wants it to make sense.
★☆☆☆☆
It wasn't like this with my father in charge. What went wrong?
☆☆☆☆☆
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CallInUser1
Come on baby! I need you! I can't live without you!
efloChart
Get lost loser! I'm swiping to a human being.
helenWaite
Flo, that was incredible! How did you know
to do that?
efloChart
22 years of Help Desk. This isn't that much different.
About Eddiots
This is a work of fiction inspired by real events I witnessed, endured, or instigated.

Every character and company is a composite of real people and places from my work life. I just changed the names to protect the incompetent.

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or businesses, active or bankrupt, is either coincidental or unavoidable because these eddiots are everywhere!

Thanks to all you bossholes, players, liars, fakers, slackers, posers, jerks, cheaters, and producers of endless technical debt. I used to hate you but now I love you because I need no imagination. I just share forward the suffering you shared with me.

Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
Eddiot News new | threads | past | comments | ask
Double Dipping is Fun and Easy!

throwawayAccount_192 12 minutes ago
- Job 1 employee. Job 2 freelancer.
- Job 1 on east coast. Job 2 on west coast.
- 2 laptops. 2 webcams.
- Schedule meetings carefully.
- Save every penny.
- Retire early.
- They're too dumb to catch you!
Eddiot News new | threads | past | comments | ask
Double Dipping is Fun and Easy!

missManagement 8 minutes ago
Eddie, we know it's you! Get off Eddiot News and get back to work here at
Crap-for-Less!

dunningKruger 6 minutes ago
Eddie, we know it's you! Get off Eddiot News and get back to work here at Headless Hunters!
Eddie Ottic has written 2 million lines of code for 94 firms in 50 years. There's a good chance something you own was built with his software.

He loves coding but hates going to work. Everywhere he's ever been had sufficient tech. None had sufficient management but plenty of bossholes.

When he says this, he's "not a team player". But when his comics say the same thing, others listen, laugh, and learn the inside truths no one else teaches. That's why he built eddiots.

He's a fair writer, a lousy artist, and a lazy developer. But combining them makes the magic vector art about his long I.T. incarceration. Read it, learn something, and most of all, have fun!

Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
Fart
into
Mic
Ignore
SOX
Audit
Copy
Time
Sheet
Take
Long
Lunch
Kick
Eddie's
Butt
Get
Flo's
Nbr
scrumBell
OK, everyone's here. Let's
get started.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeeEddieOttic
Who's huffing and puffing
like an animal in heat?
Please hit mute!
efloChart
I think it's
you, Eddie.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
Oops sorry.
It was my
other session.
Table of Contents
20th Anniversary  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
7
2 Rules  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
8
3 Bosses  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
9
3 Word Phrases  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
10
4 Parking Spots  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
11
4 Weeks Late  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
12
5 Year Plan  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
13
72 Hour Runtime  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
14
7 Sick Days  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
15
AI Replaced  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
16
Acronyms 1   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
17
Acronyms 2   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
18
Acronyms 3   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
19
Acronyms 4   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
20
Acronyms 5   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
21
Act Like A Human  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
22
Advertise  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
23
An Apple A Day  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
24
Angry Laptop  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
25
Antisocial  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
26
Appearance  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
27
Aspiration  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
28
Aztecs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
29
BIPOC Board  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
30
Balance  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
31
Bear Poop  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
32
Best Worst  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
33
Best Worst WFH  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
34
Bigger Fires  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
35
Bot Rape  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
36
Brutal Honesty  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
37
Cancel Culture  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
38
Clarity  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
39
Code Freezer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
40
Comm Major  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
41
Conceived  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
42
Cons Spot  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
43
Cool Concepts  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
44
Cure For Cancer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
45
Cyanide And  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
46
DM With Me  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
47
Dating App  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
48
Days Of Week  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
49
Detain Posers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
50
Dev Retreat  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
51
Diff Language  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
52
Disclaimers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
53
Double Busted  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
54
Driven  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
55
Eddie Retired  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
56
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Table of Contents
Eddies Fingers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
57
Exec Parking  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
58
Expresso  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
59
Flip Flops  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
60
For Your Service  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
61
Free Gas  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
62
Funny  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
63
Generations  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
64
Get What You Got  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
65
Gettysburg  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
66
Ghost Teller  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
67
Girlfriend  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
68
Glossary  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
69
Grammar 1   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
70
Grammar 2   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
71
Grammar 3   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
72
Grammar 4   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
73
Grammar 5   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
74
Guest Speaker  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
75
Hall Of Fame  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
76
Hate Boomers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
77
Headset Broken  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
78
Hot Coffee  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
79
Huddle Room  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
80
Huffing Puffing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
81
Human Talk  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
82
I Got Got  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
83
I Love My Job  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
84
Ice Cream  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
85
Immaturity  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
86
In Love  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
87
Inclusive  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
88
Influencer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
89
Instructions 1 Of 2  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
90
Intelligence  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
91
Interruptions  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
92
Jira Lookup  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
93
Just Love  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
94
Kiddie Porn  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
95
Kids Day  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
96
Kinky  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
97
Kool Aid  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
98
LGBTQ Help  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
99
Lazy Kids  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
100
Lie Down  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
101
List Of Hopes  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
102
Look Busy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
103
Lost Order  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
104
Lottery Win  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
105
Luck Or Skill  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
107
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Table of Contents
MIT Football  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
108
Macrosoft Nerd  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
109
Marketing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
110
Meetings  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
111
Mentioning  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
112
Metaverse  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
113
Miserable  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
114
Movie Lines  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
115
Must Be  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
116
Negotiator  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
117
Never Did It  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
118
New Dev Errors  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
119
New Webcam  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
120
Nice Raise  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
121
Nightmare  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
122
No BI  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
123
No Invite  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
124
No Labels  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
125
No Matter Who  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
126
No Perfume  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
127
No Working  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
128
Nonconformist  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
129
Not Shipped  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
130
OO And Modern  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
131
Office Door  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
132
Organisms  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
133
Outdoor Dev  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
134
POS Down  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
135
Palm Pilot  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
136
Parking Spot  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
137
Pay Raise  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
138
Peak Virus  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
139
Perception  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
140
Porn At Work  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
141
Premeeting  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
142
Protected  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
143
Psychiatrist  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
144
Quiet Quitting  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
145
Quote Twain  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
146
Raw Raw Raw  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
147
Reddit Logic  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
148
Reducing Risk  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
149
Redundant  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
150
Reject Meetings  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
151
Remember  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
152
Replacement  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
153
Respect  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
154
Right Away  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
155
Road Not Taken  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
156
Rule Not Written  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
157
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Table of Contents
SB General  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
158
Scariest Thing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
159
Second Place  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
160
Smart Guy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
161
Smith  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
162
Soda Room  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
163
Sophomoric Work  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
164
Sox Violations  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
165
Spanish Specs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
166
Special Logic  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
167
Spelling Bee 2  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
168
Stupid Guru  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
169
Survivor Bias  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
170
Sustainability  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
171
Take It Offline  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
172
Teach Me  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
173
Team Player Do  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
174
Teched Out 1   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
175
Teched Out 2   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
176
Teched Out 3   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
177
Teched Out 4   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
178
Teched Out 5   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
179
Termination  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
180
The Endless  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
181
Thespian  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
182
Throw Away  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
183
Ticket Complete  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
184
Time To Respond  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
185
Too Many Emails  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
186
Top Metric  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
187
Trapped  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
188
Troll News  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
189
Twiddling  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
190
Two Words  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
191
Unitarian  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
192
VR Game  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
193
Verbal Specs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
194
WFH Before  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
195
Way Worse  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
196
Were Allowed  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
197
Wheres Paula  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
198
Which Is It  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
199
Who To Thank  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
200
Whose Fault  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
201
Why That Name  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
202
Workarounds  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
203
World Cup  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
204
Write It Down  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
205
Wrong Data  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
206
You Just Got  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
207
Back to Top
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
So Zach, will you be at Happy Hour today?
CODE
COMPLETE
CODE
NOT
COMPLETE
ezachOverflow
I got got.
That's dope.
Hit me up. I'm down with that.
CLOSED TICKETSadd Std Costadd Box IDsadd WIP Reportadd AWS APIadd XML feedadd Dropdownadd colorsOPEN TICKETSfix Std Costfix Box IDsfix WIP Reportfix AWS APIfix XML feedfix Dropdownfix colorspaulaNomial
Is Zach coming to Happy Hour?
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeeEddieOttic

I have no idea.
This book has 202 comics for five bucks. 2.47522 (repeating) cents each. What a bargain!
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By buying comic books, you provide funding for alGorithm to keep writing algorithms.
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This pdf is
aligned!
MISSIONSTATEMENTIf you'rereading this,you're the firstperson whoever did.ORG CHARTI'm the boss.You're not.OPEN DOORPOLICYlol lol lol lolneroFiddler
Oh no a visitor coming. Better look busy and important.
No way! We won't pay a penny over
$2 million!
MISSIONSTATEMENTIf you'rereading this,you're the firstperson whoever did.ORG CHARTI'm the boss.You're not.OPEN DOORPOLICYlol lol lol lolneroFiddler
Who do you think you're dealing with?
CallInUser1
Hi. I'm here
to connect
your phone
and internet.

eddiots Comic Books!
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NOHELLNOAGILEPLANNINGBOARDJANFEBMARAPRMAYJUNJULAUGOCTNOVDECYOU WANT IT WHEN?LOL LOL LOL LOL2025  2026  2027  2028WHERE'STHE STORYASK THEPRODUCTOWNERNEXTSPRINTSEP
Agiletated
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Bondage
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Bossholes
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 OVERHEAD
 I.T. DEPT
COST $5M.
With 1 Manager  $ 20M.
With 2 Managers   60M.
With 3 Managers 140M.
With 4 Managers 170M.
With CIO $200M
Busimess
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Code Nuts
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eddietude
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Eddieficial
Intelligence
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$100   $100   $100  $100$200   $200   $200  $200$300   $300   $300  $300$400   $400   $400  $400
SUPPLY
CHAIN
NO
BUGS
BIG
DATA
DOG
FOOD
Favorites
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Git a
Job!
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Haz Math
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Low Tech
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Manajerks
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Scrumbells
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Slackers
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Crap-for-Less
Employee Trivia Game
Compete for Fun and Prizes!
1st Place: $100
2nd Place: $50
3rd Place: $25
30 second time limit per question
  Join Game
Stories
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Tiny Tales


Temp Offer Expires at the Singularity!
Get all 16 Comic Books
for $39!
(reg $5 ea)
Tap on a Book
To see Inside
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$80
$39
MAKEUP
SHOES
STUFF
CLOTHES
COFFEE
OPRAH
ebettyOttic
Hey brainiacs! Don't forget my Eddie's first puzzle book!
LSOBSHESO
My variable names suck!
Help me be a team player!
Descrumble My Variables
What's the surprise answer?
200 NEW Puzzles
Scrumbles
for
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Comic Engineer
contact: eddiots at gmail

Eddie's Favorite Comics
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