"!"
                       
 882 • Book Favorites • 5/18/18
eddiots
I.T. Comics by eddieOttic
$100   $100    $100   $100$200   $200    $200   $200$300   $300    $300   $300$400   $400    $400   $400
SUPPLY
CHAIN
NO
BUGS
BIG
DATA
DOG
FOOD
Favorites
queenOfHR
We are proud of the way we treat our employees.
URGENT! 10/21/2014

Hire 26 designer admins
2015 Software Budgets
Implement more idiocy
missMgmt
We managers consider you programmers our family.
yogeshV
Then why do you yell at us and treat us
like crap?
MISSIONSTATEMENTIf you'rereading this,you're the firstperson whoever did.ORG CHARTI'm the boss.You're not.OPEN DOORPOLICYlol lol lol lolneroFiddler
Because that's how we treat our own families.
Favorites
We took a poll. We asked everyone in the Crap-for-Less I.T. Department, "Which comics put you in the best mood to do cool work?" To adjust for dumbflation, we multiplied dev answers by 10, nondev answers by .4322, and manager answers by -17.

The results are here in "Favorites". It's the creme de la creme, the stuff that devs turn to when all else fails.

Can't find a bug? Read this book. Can't write some logic? Read this book. Can't get a bosshole off your back? Read this book. How can one comic book solve so many problems?

It can't. It modifies your mood mode so well that you'll solve them yourself. Built upon the shoulders of giant posers. Look inside. See for yourself.
Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
headlessHunter
How many years of CSS
do you have?
efloChart
How many years of CSS
do I need?
headlessHunter

27
efloChart

28
queenOfHR
Xavier finished his Suckcess Factors training.
Nbr of dayssince last bug: 0dunningKruger
It was for Multi-Factor Authentication.
helenWaite
So Xavier,
how did it go?
xavier127.0.0.1
Enter your validation code
_________
and I'll tell you.
Reviews
I love this book! (It's the only thing from work I love.)
★★★★★
Eddie holds nothing back. I'm glad someone finally does.
★★★★★
Eddie's Favorites improves my quarterly performance metrics.
★★★★★
I laughed so hard I almost wrote readable code.
★★★★☆
Not funny. Why is Eddie so unkind to I.T. managers?
★☆☆☆☆
Eddie's negative publicity has improved our quarterly KPIs.
☆☆☆☆☆
Back to Top
headlessHunter
What's the worst deadline a programmer can have?
CoffeeTeaAdderallgaryRiggBREAKROOM
One hour to
fix a bug.
efloChart
Two weeks to finish a sprint.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeeEddieOttic

Death
About Eddiots
This is a work of fiction inspired by real events I witnessed, endured, or instigated.

Every character and company is a composite of real people and places from my work life. I just changed the names to protect the incompetent.

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or businesses, active or bankrupt, is either coincidental or unavoidable because these eddiots are everywhere!

Thanks to all you bossholes, players, liars, fakers, slackers, posers, jerks, cheaters, and producers of endless technical debt. I used to hate you but now I love you because I need no imagination. I just share forward the suffering you shared with me.

Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
MISSIONSTATEMENTIf you'rereading this,you're the firstperson whoever did.ORG CHARTI'm the boss.You're not.OPEN DOORPOLICYlol lol lol lolneroFiddler
We must adhere to agile principles!
URGENT! 10/21/2014

Hire 26 designer admins
2015 Software Budgets
Implement more idiocy
missMgmt
Working software is more important than process!
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
How do we know if the software is working?
Nbr of dayssince last bug: 0dunningKruger
We have a process for that.
Eddie Ottic has written 2 million lines of code for 94 firms in 50 years. There's a good chance something you own was built with his software.

He loves coding but hates going to work. Everywhere he's ever been had sufficient tech. None had sufficient management but plenty of bossholes.

When he says this, he's "not a team player". But when his comics say the same thing, others listen, laugh, and learn the inside truths no one else teaches. That's why he built eddiots.

He's a fair writer, a lousy artist, and a lazy developer. But combining them makes the magic vector art about his long I.T. incarceration. Read it, learn something, and most of all, have fun!

Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
yogeshV
I sped up my website with a workaround:
a C++ utility.
helenWaite
I lowered my cholesterol with a workaround: medication.
alGorithm
I learn faster with a workaround: mp3 speed-up.
htmlcssuxsvgfontwtfindigoPixel
I got pregnant with a workaround: my brother-in-law.
Table of Contents
100 Good LOC  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
7
10 Percent Short  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
8
21 Tickets  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
9
27 Math Skills  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
10
2 Reasons  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
11
2 Rules  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
12
3 Companies  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
13
47 Ways To Sort  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
14
98 Year Old Dev  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
15
A Kind Remark  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
16
Accident  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
17
Agile Metrics  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
18
All Worked Up  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
19
Als Cheatsheet  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
20
Always A Winner  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
21
Angry Laptop  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
22
Animals Suffer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
23
Atheist  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
24
BIPOC  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
25
Best Learn  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
26
Best Software  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
27
Big Raise  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
28
Bipolar  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
29
Bottomless  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
30
Brain Insurance  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
31
Burgh Coder  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
32
Buy A Laptop  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
33
CSS Floats  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
34
Career Goals  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
35
Castration  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
36
Closing Tickets  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
37
Code Captcha  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
38
Code Pen  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
39
Coding In Diapers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
40
Comic Metrics  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
41
Consultant Gig  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
42
Consulting Price  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
43
Containers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
44
Cookie Notice  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
45
Credit Card  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
46
Cubicle Smell  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
47
Cure For Cancer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
48
Cuss Card  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
49
Date Assigner  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
50
Dating App  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
51
Debate  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
52
Debauchery  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
53
Defacing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
54
Diff Standards  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
55
Diversity Agile  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
56
Back to Top
Table of Contents
Divide Check  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
57
Do Certs Help  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
58
Do Nothing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
59
Does MFA Work  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
60
Doesnt Apply  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
61
Dont Lay Off  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
62
Double Busted  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
63
Double Dip  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
64
Dying Wish  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
65
EDI Orders  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
66
Eddies Bugs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
67
Eddies Proxy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
68
Enlarge Font  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
69
Estimate App  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
70
Fathers Name  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
71
Fav Question  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
72
Felon Dev  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
73
Final Request  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
74
First Impressions  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
75
Frozen Windows  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
76
Funny Tik Tok  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
77
Get Out  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
78
Give Finger  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
79
Gobblygook  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
80
Going Nuts  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
81
HR Visit  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
82
He Repeats  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
83
Help Desk Closed  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
84
Help Desk Cost  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
85
High And Low  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
86
Hot New Dev  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
87
Howd You Get Here  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
88
Huffing Puffing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
89
Hunting Injury  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
90
I Got Got  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
91
I Need Space  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
92
IT In Tampa  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
93
I Was Ghosted  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
94
Important  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
95
Imposters  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
96
In 100 Years  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
97
In Detroit  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
98
In The Zone  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
99
Indenting  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
100
Infrequently  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
101
Intros  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
102
Inventory Loss  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
103
Its All Down  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
104
Job Opening  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
105
Joes Fired  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
106
Back to Top
Table of Contents
Jury Duty  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
107
Just May Work  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
108
Just Tell The Truth  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
109
LGBTQ Space  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
110
Last Requests  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
111
Layoff Meeting  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
113
Life Is Over  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
114
Look Busy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
115
Losing Weight  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
116
Lost Order  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
117
Lottery Win  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
118
Lunked Logic  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
120
Manager Hate  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
121
Mean Time To Fail  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
122
Meeting Phone  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
123
Meetups  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
124
Mentioning  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
125
Month Ache  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
126
Mr Soundex  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
127
My Last Boss  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
128
New Headset  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
129
New Webcam  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
130
Nice Raise  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
131
Nightmare  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
132
No Eat Or Drink  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
133
No Shaming  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
134
No Specs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
135
Nude Dev Club  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
136
Office Chairs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
137
Old Boss New Boss  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
138
Open Window  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
139
Ordering  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
140
Overtime  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
141
Paternity  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
142
Peak Virus  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
143
Pleasure Pills  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
144
Poison  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
145
Porn At Work  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
146
Portfolio  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
147
Promoting Eddie  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
148
Psychiatrist  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
150
Quiet Quitting  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
151
Real NSFW  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
152
Recording  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
153
Reimburse  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
154
Replacement  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
155
Respect  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
156
Resume Writer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
157
Retention  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
158
Retroactive  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
159
Back to Top
Table of Contents
Retrospective  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
160
Robbery  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
161
Screen Specs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
162
Second Success  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
163
Secret Salaries  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
164
Senior Moment  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
165
Show Me Yours  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
166
Side Effects  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
167
Side Mirror  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
168
Slit Lists  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
169
Slow Food  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
170
Small Budget  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
171
Smart Potion  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
172
Social Media  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
173
Soda Room  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
174
Someday  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
175
Spending Money  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
176
Strange Specs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
177
Strong Weak  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
178
Termination  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
179
Tesla Laptop  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
180
The Loser  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
181
Third Person  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
182
Timesheet Rpt  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
183
Tired & Confused  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
184
Top 2 Rules  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
185
Transparency  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
186
Trouble Sleeping  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
187
Tuesday  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
188
Ugly  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
189
Urgency  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
190
Valium  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
191
Virgin  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
192
WFH Bugs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
193
Whineries  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
194
Whos Smarter  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
195
Workarounds  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
196
Working Software  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
197
Worst Deadline  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
198
Xaviers Class  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
199
Years Of CSS  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
200
You Are Family  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
201
Back to Top
Nbr of dayssince last bug: 0dunningKruger
I'm twice as smart as you! Stump me, get $20. If I stump you, I get $10.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
What program runs faster
than its own data can walk?
Nbr of dayssince last bug: 0dunningKruger
I don't know. Here's $20. What's the answer?
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
I don't know. Here's $10.
Eddie sacrificed true happiness to write this comic book just for you. Please buy a copy.
eddiots.com
If he can sell enough comic books, he can finally rent a tux for his belated senior prom.
eddiots.com
Back to Top
BUY $5
HR Approval
Not Needed
CLOSED TICKETSadd Std Costadd Box IDsadd WIP Reportadd AWS APIadd XML feedadd Dropdownadd colorsOPEN TICKETSfix Std Costfix Box IDsfix WIP Reportfix AWS APIfix XML feedfix Dropdownfix colorspaulaNomial
So Al, how was your vacation to Sonoma Valley?
alGorithm
It was great. We visited 23 whineries.
helenWaite
You mean wineries, right?
alGorithm
No. We toured Management Training facilities.

eddiots Comic Books!
eddiots
by eddieOttic
NOHELLNOAGILEPLANNINGBOARDJANFEBMARAPRMAYJUNJULAUGOCTNOVDECYOU WANT IT WHEN?LOL LOL LOL LOL2025  2026  2027  2028WHERE'STHE STORYASK THEPRODUCTOWNERNEXTSPRINTSEP
Agiletated
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Bondage
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Bossholes
eddiots
by eddieOttic
 OVERHEAD
 I.T. DEPT
COST $5M.
With 1 Manager  $ 20M.
With 2 Managers   60M.
With 3 Managers 140M.
With 4 Managers 170M.
With CIO $200M
Busimess
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Code Nuts
eddiots
by eddieOttic
 
eddietude
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Eddieficial
Intelligence
eddiots
by eddieOttic
$100   $100   $100  $100$200   $200   $200  $200$300   $300   $300  $300$400   $400   $400  $400
SUPPLY
CHAIN
NO
BUGS
BIG
DATA
DOG
FOOD
Favorites
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Git a
Job!
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Haz Math
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Low Tech
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Manajerks
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Scrumbells
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Slackers
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Crap-for-Less
Employee Trivia Game
Compete for Fun and Prizes!
1st Place: $100
2nd Place: $50
3rd Place: $25
30 second time limit per question
  Join Game
Stories
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Tiny Tales


Temp Offer Expires at the Singularity!
Get all 16 Comic Books
for $39!
(reg $5 ea)
Tap on a Book
To see Inside
eddiots.com
BUY
NOW
$80
$39
MAKEUP
SHOES
STUFF
CLOTHES
COFFEE
OPRAH
ebettyOttic
Hey brainiacs! Don't forget my Eddie's first puzzle book!
LSOBSHESO
My variable names suck!
Help me be a team player!
Descrumble My Variables
What's the surprise answer?
200 NEW Puzzles
Scrumbles
for
eddiots
eddieOttic


Back to Top
eddieOttic
Comic Engineer
contact: eddiots at gmail

Eddie's Favorite Comics
Loading ArtistWork ChroniclesThey Can TalkxkcdCyanide and HappinessPizza Cake

This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License.