"!"
                       
 986 • Book Git A Job • 10/11/18
eddiots
I.T. Comics by eddieOttic
Git a
Job!
headlessHunter
This position requires all
27 of these
math skills.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
Assuming 50% for each skill, the probability is 1/(2**27) or
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
.000000007451 for finding the right person.
Good luck.
headlessHunter
When can
you start?
Git a Job!
Which makes less sense, headless hunters, hiring managers, or HR departments? Trick question! 0=0=0.

We all know the drill. Write a resume. Joined Lunkedin. Network with anyone you can. Scour the internet for fake job postings. Prepare for tech interviews. Talk to idiots. And then get ghosted.

Worst of all, gitting a job is so broken, the only ones who embrace it are those who do no work anyway.

Only two good things come out of this stupid process. First, you quickly identify the posers (almost everyone). Second, if you make comics, you have great comedy material for years. Don't believe me? Look inside!
Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
MISSIONSTATEMENTIf you'rereading this,you're the firstperson whoever did.ORG CHARTI'm the boss.You're not.OPEN DOORPOLICYlol lol lol lolneroFiddler
You said you have 2 reasons for resigning. What are they?
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeeEddieOttic
Reason #1: You'll fire the programmers right after the managers.
queenOfHR
We'll never fire the managers.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeeEddieOttic
That's
Reason #2.
WATERFALL
BLOWS
LESS
THAN
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
3 companies want very badly to talk to me.
I want a
10% raise.
queenOfHR
We agree to
the 10% raise.
Who are the
3 companies?
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
The electric company. The water company. And the bank.
Reviews
I didn't grok the broken hiring process until I read this book.
★★★★★
HR is worse than we thought! "Git a Job" shows us why.
★★★★★
I wrote this book to get seed funding. It didn't work.
★★★★★
This book cost Eddie his raise. So help him out & buy a copy.
★★★★☆
Headlessness is a protected class. Eddie is unkind.
★☆☆☆☆
Eddie must report to HR for discipline for this stupid book.
☆☆☆☆☆
Back to Top
CLOSED TICKETSadd Std Costadd Box IDsadd WIP Reportadd AWS APIadd XML feedadd Dropdownadd colorsOPEN TICKETSfix Std Costfix Box IDsfix WIP Reportfix AWS APIfix XML feedfix Dropdownfix colorspaulaNomial
What makes you so good at Javascript?
CODE
COMPLETE
CODE
NOT
COMPLETE
ezachOverflow
I know all 47 ways to sort.
alGorithm
Including
.sort?
CODE
COMPLETE
CODE
NOT
COMPLETE
ezachOverflow
I know all 48 ways to sort.
About Eddiots
This is a work of fiction inspired by real events I witnessed, endured, or instigated.

Every character and company is a composite of real people and places from my work life. I just changed the names to protect the incompetent.

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or businesses, active or bankrupt, is either coincidental or unavoidable because these eddiots are everywhere!

Thanks to all you bossholes, players, liars, fakers, slackers, posers, jerks, cheaters, and producers of endless technical debt. I used to hate you but now I love you because I need no imagination. I just share forward the suffering you shared with me.

Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
headlessHunter
What is your greatest strength?
CODE
COMPLETE
CODE
NOT
COMPLETE
ezachOverflow
I've always been a winner.
headlessHunter
Can you give a good example from your youth?
CODE
COMPLETE
CODE
NOT
COMPLETE
ezachOverflow
A billion sperm wanted that egg and I won.
Eddie Ottic has written 2 million lines of code for 94 firms in 50 years. There's a good chance something you own was built with his software.

He loves coding but hates going to work. Everywhere he's ever been had sufficient tech. None had sufficient management but plenty of bossholes.

When he says this, he's "not a team player". But when his comics say the same thing, others listen, laugh, and learn the inside truths no one else teaches. That's why he built eddiots.

He's a fair writer, a lousy artist, and a lazy developer. But combining them makes the magic vector art about his long I.T. incarceration. Read it, learn something, and most of all, have fun!

Buy BookBack to TopBuy Collection
MISSIONSTATEMENTIf you'rereading this,you're the firstperson whoever did.ORG CHARTI'm the boss.You're not.OPEN DOORPOLICYlol lol lol lolneroFiddler
You're getting that big raise we agreed to.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
Thank you! When will this happen?
queenOfHR
Soon.
Very soon.
Loading
Raise
Table of Contents
25 K Bootcamp  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
8
27 Math Skills  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
9
2 Reasons  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
10
2 Things At Once  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
11
3 Companies  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
12
3 References  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
13
47 Ways To Sort  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
14
67 Responsibilities  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
15
6 Boot Camps  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
16
900 Code Katas  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
17
91 Other Reasons  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
18
9 Accelerators  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
19
9 Pixels Short  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
20
Almost Perfect  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
21
Als New Job  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
23
Always A Winner  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
24
Amount To  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
25
Annual Dev Exam  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
26
Anticipate  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
27
Ask To Learn  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
28
Attitude  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
29
BBBBB  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
30
Bad Candidate  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
31
Bad References  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
32
Be Happy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
33
Best Bot  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
34
Best Job  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
35
Big Raise  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
36
Bonus Problem  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
37
Boot Camper  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
38
Boot Promise  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
39
Boss Respect  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
40
Bot Camp  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
41
Built By Bots  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
42
Burgh Coder  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
43
Care To Donate  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
44
Career Goals  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
45
Career Path  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
46
Career Paths  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
47
Celebrate  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
48
Change Script  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
49
Clean Toilets  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
50
Code Class  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
51
Code Games  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
52
Code Sample  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
53
Coding In Diapers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
54
Coincidence  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
55
College Choice  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
56
Commitment  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
57
Competition  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
58
Back to Top
Table of Contents
Continue  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
59
Desperate  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
60
Devpardy Job  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
61
Differentiator  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
62
Distinguished  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
63
Do Nothing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
64
Dreams  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
65
Easter Egg  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
66
Eddies Bonus  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
67
Eddiot System  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
68
Essays  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
69
Everyone Gets  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
70
Exclusive  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
71
Explain Gap  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
72
Fastest Writer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
73
Fav Question  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
74
Favorite Gig  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
75
Felon Dev  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
76
Find Good People  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
77
Fired 5 Times  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
78
Flip Flop Camp  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
79
From Scratch  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
80
Get Rid Of The Rats  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
81
Ghost Revenge  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
83
Git Squares  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
84
Good Candidate  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
85
Good Companies  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
86
HN Karma  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
87
Hacking Work  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
88
Hard Stuff  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
89
Havent Heard  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
90
Headhunter 2  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
91
Heaven And Hell  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
92
Hello Worlds  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
93
High And Low  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
94
I Am Him  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
95
I Cant Complain  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
96
IT Ad 6 Months  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
98
I Want A Raise  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
99
I Was The Best  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
100
I Wrote A Book  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
101
Improvise  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
102
Interested  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
103
Internships  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
104
Interview App  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
105
Interview Code  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
106
Intros  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
107
Job Experience  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
108
Job Listing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
109
Job Opening  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
110
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Table of Contents
Joes Fired  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
111
LI Profile  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
112
Layoff 2 People  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
113
Layoff Meeting  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
114
Learn Spanish  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
115
Leon Twitch  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
116
Like A Human  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
117
Listen Skill  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
118
Listicles  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
119
Lottery Email  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
120
Lunked In  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
121
MFA Scarcity  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
122
Make Time  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
123
Manage Me  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
124
Manhole Cover  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
125
Manhole Covers  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
126
Many Jobs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
127
Marijuana  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
128
Meetups  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
129
Mentor  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
130
Misspelled Name  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
131
Negotiation  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
132
Never Coded  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
133
New CIO  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
134
No More WFH  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
135
No Negotiate  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
136
No Training  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
137
Not A Good Fit  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
138
Not Learning  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
139
Not Networking  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
140
Nothing To Do  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
141
Offended  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
142
On Line Training  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
143
One To Ten  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
144
Only One  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
145
Perfect IT Boss  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
146
Perfect Score  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
147
Popular Courses  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
148
Popular Metric  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
149
Position Range  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
150
Promoting Eddie  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
151
Promotion  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
153
Psych Screen  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
154
Quote JFK  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
155
Quote Martin  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
156
Quote Wilde  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
157
Real Security  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
158
Real Websites  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
159
Red China  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
160
Regression  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
161
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Table of Contents
Rehabilitation  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
162
Relative Metrics  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
163
Religious Dev  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
164
Relocation  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
165
Response  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
166
Resume Spam  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
167
Resume Writer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
168
Retention  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
169
Reverse Resume  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
170
Rollup Foldin  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
171
SE Dream  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
172
SMS Mcom  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
173
SVG Feelings  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
174
Salary Needs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
175
Samples  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
176
Schrodinger  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
177
Secret Salaries  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
178
Seeking New  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
179
Seminar  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
180
Senior Devs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
181
Severance  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
182
Sharepoint  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
183
Show Me Yours  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
184
Simple Tools  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
185
Snail Mail  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
186
So Special  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
187
Social Media  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
188
Strong Weak  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
189
Team Player  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
190
Tester  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
191
Thank You Note  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
192
Top Claim  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
193
Training  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
194
Transparent  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
195
Twitch Classes  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
196
Undeed  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
197
Under Pressure  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
198
WPT  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
199
Was Paid For  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
200
We Want You Back  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
201
We Wont Fund You  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
202
When I Grow Up  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
203
Why Read Blogs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
204
Wife Raise  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
205
Worst Devs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
206
Worst Question  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
207
Write Resume  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
208
Writing Achievement  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
209
Years Of CSS  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
210
Years Of Service  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
211
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Table of Contents
Your Hobby  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
212
Zach Is Available  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
213
Back to Top
headlessHunter
This is that programmer from Pittsburgh I mentioned.
MISSIONSTATEMENTIf you'rereading this,you're the firstperson whoever did.ORG CHARTI'm the boss.You're not.OPEN DOORPOLICYlol lol lol lolneroFiddler
The worst programmer I ever met was from Pittsburgh.
AGILE
SUCKS
NOT ATEAMPLAYERBADEDDIETUDEeEddieOttic
I'm having sound issues. What did
he say?
headlessHunter
He said
he already
knows you.
Before Eddie made comic books I was miserable and never laughed. Now I laugh.
eddiots.com
Hit the button. Buy a comic book. I'm sick of Dollar Tree cat food. I miss Fancy Feast.
eddiots.com
Back to Top
BUY $5
This book has
no impediments!
queenOfHR
What are your 2 biggest career goals?
yogeshV
Distinguished engineer and financial security.
CODE
COMPLETE
CODE
NOT
COMPLETE
ezachOverflow
Startup exit
and retirement
by 40.
efloChart
Direct and deposit.

eddiots Comic Books!
eddiots
by eddieOttic
NOHELLNOAGILEPLANNINGBOARDJANFEBMARAPRMAYJUNJULAUGOCTNOVDECYOU WANT IT WHEN?LOL LOL LOL LOL2025  2026  2027  2028WHERE'STHE STORYASK THEPRODUCTOWNERNEXTSPRINTSEP
Agiletated
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Bondage
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by eddieOttic
Bossholes
eddiots
by eddieOttic
 OVERHEAD
 I.T. DEPT
COST $5M.
With 1 Manager  $ 20M.
With 2 Managers   60M.
With 3 Managers 140M.
With 4 Managers 170M.
With CIO $200M
Busimess
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Code Nuts
eddiots
by eddieOttic
 
eddietude
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Eddieficial
Intelligence
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by eddieOttic
$100   $100   $100  $100$200   $200   $200  $200$300   $300   $300  $300$400   $400   $400  $400
SUPPLY
CHAIN
NO
BUGS
BIG
DATA
DOG
FOOD
Favorites
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Git a
Job!
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Haz Math
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Low Tech
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Manajerks
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Scrumbells
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Slackers
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Crap-for-Less
Employee Trivia Game
Compete for Fun and Prizes!
1st Place: $100
2nd Place: $50
3rd Place: $25
30 second time limit per question
  Join Game
Stories
eddiots
by eddieOttic
Tiny Tales


Temp Offer Expires at the Singularity!
Get all 16 Comic Books
for $39!
(reg $5 ea)
Tap on a Book
To see Inside
eddiots.com
BUY
NOW
$80
$39
MAKEUP
SHOES
STUFF
CLOTHES
COFFEE
OPRAH
ebettyOttic
Hey brainiacs! Don't forget my Eddie's first puzzle book!
LSOBSHESO
My variable names suck!
Help me be a team player!
Descrumble My Variables
What's the surprise answer?
200 NEW Puzzles
Scrumbles
for
eddiots
eddieOttic


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eddieOttic
Comic Engineer
contact: eddiots at gmail

Eddie's Favorite Comics
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This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License.